Question:
Found this on Craigslist's Best-Of...
:p
Originally Posted: Mon, 12 May 11:13 EDT
SERIOUS guitarist looking for like-minded bandmates to make it big.
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Date: 2008-05-12, 11:13AM EDT
Look here, Hudson Valley. I'm tired of answering ads on these pages only to find poseurs, geeks and acoustic folk acts who want me to change my unique playing style to match their style. It's time for a band that is as unique and forceful as I am, and I'm taking no prisoners.
This monumental effort will require the cooperation of a thunderous bass player with the mind and skills to keep this beast of a freight train on its tracks while a talented drummer will unleash an unrelenting hailstorm of destruction down upon his kingdom of percussion. The band will need to be as focused and driven as I am, willing to meet two, perhaps three times a week. When I host a practice session, I treat it like an Ultimate Fighter match, where nobody leaves until someone taps out. If you think you've got the endurance and fire to keep up, then bring your best, but be warned... I don't let up, and I don't want to share a stage with anyone who will.
As you can see from my picture, I wear chain mail to protect my body from the rigors of extreme playing. When you step up on stage with a true performer like myself, it's like stepping into battle, only instead of swords and arrows, we fight with 32nd notes and pinch harmonics. So in a way, the chain mail is largely symbolic, but my legions of fans have come to appreciate and expect it. You may don similar armor, but only if it fits the theme (no hockey masks or umpire's vests).
You are expected to have suitable gear. If you can see the top of your amplifier, don't bother answering this ad. It is expected that you will have a commitment to tone that approaches mine. (would be impossible to exceed, to be quite honest) I have a pedalboard that is ten feet long and would not dare sacrifice a single effect for the sake of portability. My pedals are alphabetized so that I can easily find them in the middle of "battle". Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. When you've been in the business as long as I have, you tend to come up with little time-saving tricks like that.
So that is my decree. I know that many of you will mock my demands and continue posting your offers and requests for lesser musicians. You may continue to carry on at your own leisurely pace, hoping for a shot at a coffee house or open mic night. I will not rest until we have our own stadium on the moon, with amplifiers pointed towards the sky's infinite expanses, so that we may truly rock the galaxy. I wish for you to join me on this epic quest.
Yours in rock
-^v-Riley-v^-
Location: Poughkeepsie
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Answer:
post the pic!

Answer:
lol
"You are expected to have suitable gear. ....... Behringer up front, Zoom at the end."

Answer:
"epic quest"... man that guy is living in some weird fantasy land.
Freakn' sad.

Answer:
you are late this was posted last week as well funny as hell though, I saved it to the computer for future laughs. I swear I am gonna email him just to see what he says.

Answer:
you are late this was posted last week as well funny as hell though, I saved it to the computer for future laughs. I swear I am gonna email him just to see what he says. D'oh! Yeah, I just laughed my ass off when I read it, thought people would like it here (obviously). Did they have the pic up when you read that thread? It doesn't seem to come up for me.

Answer:
Best of Craigslist candidate if I ever saw one.

Answer:
Obviously a wind-up, but very funny - I love the alphabetised pedalboard:idea:

Answer:
This is the third time in as many weeks I remember seeing this...
and it scares me everytime I read it because I have a cousin JUST LIKE THIS GUY.... except he plays drums (which kinda explains it...) ..

Answer:
that's great :thu:

Answer:
Someone posted this one a few weeks back.
You want the blocks? Come get the blocks and don't fuck with me!

Answer:
Best of Craigslist candidate if I ever saw one. no kidding

Answer:
Wow, so much to work with here.
Even though his chainmail is symbolic (protecting himself from fatigue it would seem), it probably works out pretty well when he gets attacked with swords, and the like.
So, can we call his effects the "mullet board?" Oh wait, that's business in the front, party in the back. Never mind.

Answer:
LOL. That was great.

Answer:
here's the pic

Answer:
Haha! Look how big that Strat looks on him! He's a dwarf!

Answer:
Space Gargler - you da man! That was even funnier than what I had pictured in my mind.
Save the Gibbons - that was an equally awesome post - if you've ever sold anything on CL, you know exactly what that guy is talking about!

Answer:
Obviously a wind-up, but very funny - I love the alphabetised pedalboard:idea: i live near poughkeepsie. it's not a windup, the guy is serious. people take a-ha seriously there, it's a fucked up place

Answer:
here's the pic I was really picturing somebody with fake, black fingernails and a faux goth guitar. I wan't expecting a little hairy dude with a fiesta red strat. Though, this may be even better.

Answer:
That's truly fantastic. Particularly the use of the word behringer. :)
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